Fair warning, people…this post is probably going to be a little emo and sad. :'( So, have your tissues ready!
So, where to begin…in writing, it is always so hard to find a good beginning. I guess this beginning could “begin with an ending” in a sense. You see, sometime this month my ex and I will be filling out and signing our divorce papers. Yep. We’re taking our obvious failure of a marriage and slamming the “FAIL” rubber stamp on it officially. So, that is going to be tough. I still hurt a lot and get upset a lot when I think about it.
In other news, I’ve been looking at dating on some of the dating websites out there and I’ve got to say that it is pretty depressing. I thought I took my time and set up a pretty good profile. My pictures were the best I had of myself. I’m really trying, right? So, why is it that I’ve only had a handful of girls contact me? I’ve had dates with two girls who were nice and who I’d like to get to know more, but after one date with me they haven’t been too eager. :( Yep. Evidently, I suck at life. I just don’t understand what is so wrong with me. I’m polite. I bring flowers. I pay. I make conversation. I make sure I smell good. Yeah, I can be a tad shy and I’m not a fricking male model with a perfect body…but I always thought girls were supposed to be able to see beyond that.
Maybe people can look at me and see that I’m practically dead inside or something? *sigh* I mean, I work full-time as a computer technician. I take care of my home, my child, my dog, and myself. No, I don’t get out a lot because I’ve got a lot of responsibility. I chose to make my son the top priority in my life when my marriage failed. I thought that women admired a man stepping up like that. I know I am a good person and not just a total jerk or dud. My coworkers like me. Yeah, my light has faded a bit and I’ve been hurt really bad by two women. But I’m doing my best…I really am trying. Maybe I’m trying too hard? Maybe I’m sad, lonely, and I reek of desperation? I don’t know. I don’t get it.
Is it so bad to just not want to be alone and to want to find somebody like me out there? Do girls just see my mug and think, “My God, how dare that ugly oaf even send me a message?” All in all, it is more than a little depressing. But I will continue on and try to believe that there must be somebody out there who is perfect for me…any advice on dating and life would be appreciated, though. Ciao.